I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
