You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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