This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
