Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
