lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
