So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
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currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
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Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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