So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is the prime rib incident all over again
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
