Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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