when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize