I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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