I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
