he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
