i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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