Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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