just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
