i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
