The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
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