FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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