yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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