Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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