I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
