Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
