he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
