the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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