You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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