I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
