very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
