The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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