She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
