Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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