I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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