guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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