I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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