I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Randomize
