I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
