I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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