I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.