i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you