dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool