drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke