she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.