I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
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and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
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Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.