I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
