my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
