if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
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