6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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