You smell like a Billy Joel song
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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