After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Randomize
