i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
