I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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