I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
