he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
