Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
