i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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