Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
