Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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