My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
