he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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