I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
