Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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