Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize