He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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