Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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