You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
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